Before you read this i want you all to know i do not want pity im not trying to get pity im just updating to pass time and get somethings off my chest



I haven't updated in quite a while so I decided to do so today. Nothing much has happened lately, I've been sick a lot. Don't worry though it's nothing serious just a small flu cold thing, even though a flu is becoming a serious thing now a days huh? Anyway my brother Nick and his son and wife are finally coming home to the states. I have never met either my nephew or sister in-law. I'm excited this Friday were taking a trip up to Chicago to pick them up. Things have been pretty stressy lately at the home. My mom isn't treating me like she used to. Shes always yelling at me and whenever i say i love you to her she never answers back. She pays attention to my sister more than me. Sometimes I want to tell her "you have two daughters remember? Sure one of them moved to our dads but you probably show the other the same amount of love too before one starts thinking things!!" I try not to cry to much when i know i should and most of the time i don't, but these things have been getting to me a lot easier than they used to. :/ I don't know what to think of it I have been doing things a lot on my own lately things i shouldn't do and things i never thought i would do let alone think about doing. Things at school are changing so much, sure i knew high school would change things a lot, but the things that are happening is not what i expected. One of my best friends have started having sex and doing stupid things like letting people do and say things to them just for friends I've told her what i thought were not exactly the best of friends anymore i don't trust her ever since what happened during my birthday time. I've told the story before don't want to again. I don't know if i ever will forgive her since she's was my best friend and she didn't even feel bad about it, lets get off that subject. My other friend who moved away in around 5th grade i miss her so bad is coming down in December from where she lives. This will be the first time I've seen her since she lived in my town. A lot of things have been happening to her a lot of her friends have died in the time span of 4 months. My other friend has been with me forever and shes helped me out a lot. Even though she doesnt completely understand whats going on. Another one of my friends is having trouble with family and the list goes on and on and i worry every day about every single one of my friends and how theyre doing. I am very caring toward my friends i cant go a day without talking to atleast a couple of them. I love my friends as if they were family. If you havnt already noticed i do have a lot on my plate of stress worrying about friends, family, school, grades, and myself... sometimes a lot more than that. I dont like ranting about my problems, but sometimes it feels better for me to let them all out, i know this is probably a confusing journal and i doubt a lot of you read to this far. i know im leaving a lot of things out i wanted to get out when i first started typing this journal but ive forgotten a few of them. Im sorry for boring you with this angst filled journal so i think ill take my leave.